I am moving on to my new site

Goodbye wordpress! I am moving on to my new site at http://mymotherthoughts.blogspot.com/

Is Reverse Psychology a good form of parenting technique?

I bet you have heard of reverse psychology. Personally, at some point I heard my grandmother telling my mother to resort to reverse psychology if all else fails. But what is reverse psychology? Is it really effective? In the long run, is it a good discipline tool to use with our children?

What is Reverse Psychology?

Reverse Psychology is when you are trying to persuade your child to do something, you ask him to do the opposite. This is based on the concept that people typically reacts negatively to persuasion; so if you advocate him to do the opposite, you might actually get the response you want.

For example, you are trying to get your son eat vegetables you might say something like. ” I bet you can’t eat and finish those.”

Here is another example from The Simpsons where Homer is having a conversation with his mind after reading a parenting book:

Homer’s Brain: Don’t you get it? You’ve gotta use reverse psychology.

Homer: That sounds too complicated.

Homer’s Brain: OK, don’t use reverse psychology.

Homer: All right, I will!

Is Reverse Psychology Effective?

It works most of the time, as long as the other person doesn’t know you are trying to reverse him (see?!).

Is it a good parenting technique?

It is not good if its making your child look stupid already. And sooner or later he will find out you did try to manipulate him.

I think it is still much better to explain things to children. Make them comprehend why they have to do this and not that. Talk to them. They maybe young but they will understand.

So my answer to “Is Reverse Psychology a good form of parenting technique?” is NO. Forms of discipline must be applied consistently, and you just can not use reverse psychology often. It may do more harm in the long run to your child’s mindset. Talk to them. Honesty is still the best policy.

Laughter is still the best medicine

Stress literally kills. And for mothers like us, who are exposed to a gazillion of stress everyday, a little humor can help. Watch some comedy movies, play with your kids, dance like you never had before, sing, jump for joy, or just have a good laugh with someone. Little things that could bring us joy can save us from getting old inside out!

I found this helpful article: 9 Ways Humor Can Heal

According to it humor helps by:

1. Humor combats fear – “Humor disengages fear because it changes your perspective both on the past and the present. A traumatic childhood episode loses its tight grip on your heart if you can place it into the “ridiculous” category of other stories from the past. With a playful perspective, you can remove yourself from a marital problem that has you debilitated with anxiety. Laughter forces a few steps–some much-needed distance– between a situation and our reaction. We all would do well to follow the advice of Leo Buscaglia: “When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. And swing!”"
2. Humor comforts – “New York City’s Big Apple Circus has used humor to console sick children since 1986, when they started sending teams of clowns into hospital rooms with “rubber chicken soup” and other fun surprises. “Its for the children, yes,” explains Jane Englebardt, deputy director of the circus, in an “American Fitness” article. “But it’s also for the parents who, when they hear their children laugh for the first time in days or weeks, know everything’s going to be O.K.”
3. Humor relaxes- “When you push any engine, including your body, to its maximum, every once in a while it slips a gear. The ways the body manifests that are: irregular heartbeats, high blood pressure, and increased sensitivity to pain. When people use humor, the autonomic nervous system just tones down a bit to take it off high gear, and that allows the heart to relax.”
4. Humor reduces pain – “After surgery, patients were told one-liners prior to administration of potentially painful medication. The patients exposed to humor perceived less pun as compared to patients who didn’t receive humor stimuli.”
5. Humor boosts the immune system – “In 2006 researchers led by Lee Berk and Stanley A. Tan at Loma Linda University in Loma Linda, California, found that two hormones-beta-endorphins (which alleviate depression) and human growth hormone (HGH, which helps with immunity) increased by 27 and 87 percent respectively when volunteers anticipated watching a humorous video. Simply anticipating laughter boosted health-protecting hormones and chemicals.”
6. Humor reduces stress
7. Humor spreads happiness – That is to say that a bout of laughter is contagious.
8. Humor cultivates optimism – “[Appreciation] is the first and most fundamental happiness tool…Research now shows it is physiologically impossible to be in a state of appreciation and a state of fear at the same time. Thus, appreciation is the antidote to fear.” – Dan Barker
9. Humor helps in Communication

Photo from Flickr uploaded by Pink Sherbet Photography.

Thought for the day – Mothers and Evolution

If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands?

An excerpt from the book The Secret

Rhonda Byrne’s shares with us The Secret to a healthy self-image.

‘The Secret’

An excerpt from the book: ‘The Secret and Your Body.’

By Rhonda Byrne | Newsweek Web Exclusive

Let’s look at using the Creative Process for those who feel they are overweight and who want to lose weight.

The first thing to know is that if you focus on losing weight, you will attract back having to lose more weight, so get “having to lose weight” out of your mind. It’s the very reason why diets don’t work. Because you are focused on losing weight, you must attract back continually having to lose weight.

The second thing to know is that the condition of being overweight was created through your thought to it. To put it in the most basic terms, if someone is overweight, it came from thinking “fat thoughts,” whether that person was aware of it or not. A person cannot think “thin thoughts” and be fat. It completely defies the law of attraction.

Read the rest of the article here on Newsweek.

“put on a bikini – put it on and stay strong”

Jennifer Love Hewitt answers rude remarks on her body with her recent shots on bikini:

This is the last time I will address this subject.

I’ve sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women’s bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I’m not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image.

A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn’t make you beautiful.

What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body.

To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini – put it on and stay strong.

a much needed advice

Believe it or not, your combative nature is going to help you get farther in life than your compassionate nature ever could. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, as they say, and you’ll get more attention when you let someone know that you’re expecting it. Being afraid of conflict can keep you from getting scarred in any battles, but it will also keep you from proving to yourself that you can handle yourself in a fight. So step up and don’t be afraid!

photo from Flickr, click photo to follow link

It’s all in the Mind

A jump with Success!

“Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve. Dream great dreams and make them come true. Do it now. You are unique. In all the history of the world there was never anyone else exactly like you, and in all the infinity to come there will never be another you. Never affirm self-limitations. What you believe yourself to be you are. To accomplish great things, you must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe. If you have build castles in the air, your work need not be lost; put foundations under them. Yes you can. Believing in magic. You can always better your best. You don’t know what you can do until you try. Nothing will come of nothing. If you don’t go out on a limb, you’re never going to get the fruit. There is no failure except in no longer trying. Hazy goals produce hazy results. Clearly define your goals. Write them down, make a plan for achieving them, set a deadline, visualize the results and go after them. Just don’t look back unless you want to go that way. Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If at first you don’t succeed, try another way. For every obstacle there is a solution. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. The greatest mistake is giving up. Wishing will not bring success, but planning, persistence, and a burning desire will. There is a gold mine within you from which you can extract all the necessary ingredients. Success is an attitude. Get your right. It is astonishing how short a time it takes for very wonderful things to happen. Now; show us the colors of your rainbow.”
-by Barbara Smallwood & Steve Kilborn

What makes a happy marriage?

“What makes a happy marriage? It is a question which all men and women ask one another…The answer is to be found, I think, in the mutual discovery, by two who marry, of the deepest need of the other’s personality, and the satisfaction of that need.” - Pearl Buck

Things I’ve learned from reading the book “Getting the Love You Want”

• We enter marriage with childhood wounds we expect our partners to heal for us.
• We must know our deepest needs and be able to communicate it to our partner.
• We must learn how to deal with our partner’s criticism of us. We must learn how to say what we want without making the other feel attacked.
• We must stop believing that our partners can read our minds.
• We must focus on healing our partner; in turn we will be able to heal ourselves.
• We must learn to be in touch with our anger and rage; not be consumed by it or repress it.
• We must also learn to deal with our partner’s anger by acknowledging his right to express his emotions.
• We must give without expecting anything in return.
• We must treat our partners as a passionate friend and our ally; not our surrogate parent.
• We must simply act in a loving way.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Read the book excerpt (click photo)

IMAGO RELATIONSHIPS INTERNATIONAL

Dreaming of World Peace? Start with your Relationship by Tim Atkinson.

above photo from Flickr, uploaded by dhammza, “another love story”.

Marriage Tips from John Gottman

• Seek help early. The average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems (and keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first seven years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long.
• Edit yourself. Couples who avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest.
• Soften your “start up.” Arguments first “start up” because a spouse sometimes escalates the conflict from the get-go by making a critical or contemptuous remark in a confrontational tone. Bring up problems gently and without blame.
• Accept influence. A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. If a woman says, “Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready,” and her husband replies, “My plans are set, and I’m not changing them”. This guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband’s ability to be influenced by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is crucial because research shows women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband can do so as well.
• Have high standards. Happy couples have high standards for each other even as newlyweds. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road.
• Learn to repair and exit the argument. Successful couples know how to exit an argument. Happy couples know how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Successful repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark (“I understand that this is hard for you”); making it clear you’re on common ground (“This is our problem”); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you have to yield to win); and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way (“I really appreciate and want to thank you for.…”). If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.
• Focus on the bright side. In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. For example, “We laugh a lot;” not, “We never have any fun”. A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make deposits to your emotional bank account.

More about John Gottman

Some of his books with excerpts (click photo to read excerpt).